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ex_ella_bane358 in hp_britglish

Would a Brit teenager call his morning boner, morning boner? Or would he call it morning wood? Or something else completly?

Also, any other slang for wanking? Would any of our boy wizards say jerking off or spanking the monkey?

One last question: Would Brits turn away from fan fic if I put a period after Mr. and Mrs. as in Mr. Weasley, or is it more appropriate to write Mr Weasley?

Thanks in advance.


I would think:

Morning hard-on. Or wood, but boner is less used in my experience. So to speak.

And: having a wank or tossing off. Not that monkey thing, I don't think!
Well, firstly, boner is a real Americanism. "Morning Wood" is an acceptable (or not acceptable, you know what I mean!) phrase here - in fact, a kids' tv presenter called Dominic Wood got into trouble when he wore a t-shirt saying "Morning Wood". Being female, though, I don't actually know!

We talk about wanking, predominately. Again, "jerking off" is an Americanism. If you have a character who's a bit different, maybe a bit of a joker (a Fred or George, for example), they may talk about "cultivating the cucumber", "polishing his wand", that kind of thing. I'm sure you could even make one up, it should be fairly obvious.

And as far as I'm concerned, Mr. and Mr are both correct. Maybe Mr is easier on the eye? Do whatever's best. (Although remember in England a period is known as a full stop!)

Hope that helps.
typically its morning glory so thats what i'd go with. Mr no fullstop, fullstops(periods) would come after an initial and before the surname e.g. Mr D. Smith.
I've heard of "spanking the monkey", but I think it may be a term used by slightly older people. Otherwise, yes, wanking or tossing off.

I have a feeling that "Mr." is US English, while "Mr" is British English. Wikipedia says so, too, here: http://www.answers.com/topic/mr&method=6.

Oh - I'd say (theoretically) "morning hard-on". I think I might've heard "woodie" rather than "wood" - can anyone confirm this?
Tossing off.

As in, "you tosser" (just as "wanking" can be used in "you wanker").

Not jerking off or spanking the monkey, not ever ever.
In British English Mr. Mrs. Dr. St. Rd. etc are incorrect. The rule is that if the last letter of the abbreviation is the same as the last letter of the word, it doesn't take the full stop.
On the other hand, I've seen almost as many examples of Mr-with-full-stop as Mr-without-full-stop, so I don't think it would stop anyone reading.
That's true, yes. But still, I can try and spread the truth ;0)

Next to my campus is 'St. John St.' It's a fantastic road name, it does bug me that neither St needs the full stop.
I'd say morning glory - a couple of months ago I almost died of embarrasment when my dad asked what the Oasis song "What's the Story Morning Glory" was referring to.
*dies in a fit of giggles* I always thought they meant the flower...
My husband refers to it as "morning glory" as well. *grin*
Morning glory, what's the story, definitely.
or morning stiffy.
Another vote for Morning Glory here. I think Spanking the Monkey is a recent import from the US. The nearest equivalent I've heard here is Bash the Bishop, but that's quite old fashioned.
Morning glory or morning wood. Wanking or tossing off.


Another slang term is would be to have a 'ham shank' (rhyming slang for wank obviously).

Hard-on and stiffy are probably the most common terms for an erection.
or having a 'lloyds' (rhyming slang for wank... lloyds bank-->) Except maybe that's not so common, I only know a few lads who say that.
The boys in Harrys dorm would probably say 'tossing off' or 'wanking', they're pretty standard expressions. I think morning glory is about right too, but any of the ones suggested above would work.
hard-on or stiffy is what I've heard used most. (but then I've never heard morning glory used)

Also wanking or tossing off but definitely not jerking off and spanking the monkey which are US terms (although understoof over here). But we do tend to come up with colourful euphamisms so let your imagination run riot!